Damn Oprah and her "a-ha" moments

I'm only damning her because when I had my "moment" today, the first thing that popped into my head to describe it (for later blogging) was the "a-ha moment." I avoid Oprah because she annoys me. Maybe it's because she makes too much money. Maybe it's because she interrupts every guest on her show. Maybe it's because her uber fans are nutso. Maybe it's because I wish I had too much money, a show on which to interrupt guests, and nutso fans. :) I refuse to buy into Oprah-mania, yet here we are.

Onto the point of this post...Mike The Personal Trainer will now only be referred to as "Mike" with no reference to Satan. I intended it as a joke because my muscles are mean and hurt when Mike is finished working me out. But today shed new light on the subject. I was still hurting like Hell, and actually cursed a few times during the session, but I found out why I need and thus have a personal trainer. Mike was gentle and encouraging even though the weights were killing me (upper body--my weakest area). I was really getting down on myself (must stop doing this) and feeling like such a wimp for running out of steam. But Mike kept telling me all about how we're building my strength, I will get stronger, I'm doing great, keep my head up, yada, yada, yada...normally this type of positive reinforcement goes in one ear and out the other (Mom can attest to this). As the workout came to an end, I realized I could barely move my arms. I still cannot raise them above my head. It may not have seemed at the time like I could do it--I was barely able to push through that last set--but the fact that my muscles were fatigued meant I did SOMETHING. And THAT is more than I would have done sitting on the couch! Bottom line: This is hard work and takes dedication. There is more mental strength involved than I once thought.

The real story here (hence the "a-ha" moment) is about Mike The Person. He kept making little comments like "I was just like you after chemo..." or "I had to build up my muscle once I got off the medications..." and, of course, at first these comments didn't land. When we were finished, we sat down on the mat and Mike again told me to hang in there and not get down. I finally broke free of my everything-hurts-and-I'm-a-sweaty-weak-blob reverie and really looked at him. "You had cancer?" I asked him, finally focusing on someone OTHER than myself. Turns out Mike was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma in 2005 at 30 years old (we are the exact same age). I realized he was right about being just like me at one point...after the treatments and chemo he was underweight and very weak. He told me that before he got sick he didn't work out regularly. But as he got well, he really wanted to gain strength (and weight) and take care of his body. He started working out and now he's a personal trainer and in great shape...he's been in remission for 4.5 years!

When Mike started working out after chemo, he was trying to put on weight. I am working out to lose weight (and of course tone up). My a-ha moment was after our workout, when I was dripping sweat on the elliptical, doing some pondering (fyi--most of my life-pondering is done in the shower, while running, on the elliptical, or driving). I learned some valuable lessons today. First, I learned that I lucked out with my personal trainer--Mike is a great guy and I think he's in my life for a reason. Second, I'm not as physically strong as I thought. Going to a gym and working out makes you face what you can and cannot do, physically and mentally. This is quite the eye-opener. Third, and most important, when I start to feel sorry for myself or beat myself up about how much work I have ahead of me, I'll think of Mike--and how lucky I am to be trying to lose weight rather than trying to gain it because cancer almost took my life.