The constant roller coaster

When life is good, it's great. When life gets tough, it's lousy. And then there are those times when life is simply in-between the two...and the roller coaster is just cruising along. You don't know whether you will go up or down, but you know a change is coming soon.

It seems I've had many up's and down's the last month. I'm not complaining...after all, I'm learning more about myself and those around me with every moment that passes. I've experienced a plethora of emotions in just the last 5 days. Such is life I guess. As my mom reminded me tonight, "feelings" are what remind you that you're alive! I was having a tough time today trying to figure out and work through a situation, and Mom was full of supportive words and advice. She sent me a quote from my late Uncle Danny...he had emailed it to her more than 5 years ago when she herself was struggling with her prayers to Him and what the right answers were for her. Here is what he told her:

"You just stay with that notion that God is not against you, but for you. He knows best, that's for sure. Just increase your trust for Him and things will turn out for the best."

My uncle Danny was a wise man. He was also one of the most generous, affectionate, and loving people I've ever known. His faith always amazed me, as he was certain of God's love and will, and he was always content in knowing the Lord would guide him, love him, and live through him.

Sometimes I wonder if He hears me...and I long to be confident and sure of His love for me. I asked Him several times today to help me make the right decisions in my life. I am willing to do what it takes to be a better person and live the best life that I can. So many things in life take a leap of faith...falling in love, trusting in God. We may have to step out of our comfort zone, close our eyes, and put our trust in someone else. It may be scary, and it may even cause pain in the long run...or it could be the most rewarding and wonderful thing we've ever experienced. But we'll never know unless we jump, right?

I'm still a happy girl and the subject of my last post is still alive and well in my mind (and heart). I don't know what the future will bring...but I do know that He is with me and I'm holding on to that faith with everything I have.

Right next to the right one

That is where I was tonight, sitting right across from (and eventually next to) the right one. Perhaps it is too early to call him The One, but he's pretty darn close.

What a difference a week can make...those close to me know that I have been through somewhat of a tough time, emotionally and spiritually, the last few weeks. Boys in general played a large part in that rough patch. But I'm glad I endured the wreckage since it meant that I would eventually meet K, and my life would be permanently changed...for the better.

It was a simple date. I was not expecting much more than maybe a friendship to come of it. It's not that I wasn't attracted to him...I wouldn't have agreed to meet if I wasn't. But I was getting used to the idea of "casual" dating in that I wasn't going to LOOK for love anymore. The emotional turmoil of the last few weeks threw me for a loop, and I was starting to doubt if the real thing was out there. I thought I would go on a few dates, meet some new people...and continue to be disappointed. But as it turns out He had other plans for me.

Yes, I believe certain people enter and leave our lives for reasons we may not ever understand. I don't know about fate per se, but K...K is my own little serendipity.

Tonight, with K, everything felt good. Everything felt natural. Everything felt exciting. Everything felt...promising. It was all there in one little room upstairs at a pub. It was all there in those eyes when he looked at me, and when he smiled.

That's all for now. But I can't wait to see him again. :)

P.S. Even though he doesn't deserve to be in the same post as K, I just want to say that "C" did call...and pretended like he didn't spill his life story the night we went out or basically attack me the moment we walked into my apartment. That was just a bizarre experience altogether. And I'm glad he never called again.



P.P.S. K texted me within minutes of saying goodbye to me. Be still my heart...

Letting go of the past...

I've reached an amazing milestone in my personal life...I finally opened up a few pockets from my past and emptied them. There were parts of my past that were bogging me down for many years, and it can be very hard to let go and move on. But with the strength and independence I have gained the last year or two, I am stronger than I have ever been before. Old wounds have healed and faded away. I learned a lot from those wounds and they have made me all the wiser. A strong sense of self, prayer, the support of loved ones and friends--these all make my everyday life possible.
Spreading my wings and flying high